[[*Endless Road_______Endless Journey]]*

Monday, July 11, 2005

[[Thoughts...]]

Time for another weekly update of this blog.

Actually intended to post something last night, but when I logged in my mind juz went totally blank. It's like there is something to say but nothing to say at the same time. Ok...that sounds like a load of rubbish.

But yeah...probably there are things to talk about but I don't know how to pen it down. Surprising for someone who always claims that he expresses himself so much better with written than spoken words.

So tempted to talk and bitch about stuff at work, but I juz find it simply wrong to talk about any employer in public. Anyway, I have less than 2 months left at work. It will be over pretty soon. Can't say that I can't wait to leave the place, because I've met some wonderful people there and would sorely miss them when it's my turn wear the camo no. 4.

But work is still, nonetheless, really stressful. It juz builds up in your mind, your body, your soul. And relieving yourself of it seems like a really tough thing to do.

Growing up really kinda sucks. It's a little hard to adapt to a situation where, suddenly, you seem to be responsible to yourself. Such a contrast when you think back to the time while you were only 14 or 15 and can't wait to break free from your parents and do whatever you wish.

Now that the responsibility is lifted off your parents' shoulders and transferred to your own, some find it hard to get used to it. I'm still dependent on my parents for a lot of matters, but suddenly the feeling is I'm in charge of my own life. Things like when your parents stop asking you where you are going, why you hung out with your friends till the wee hours in the morning...

Like a flash of lightning, it happens so quickly. It may seem like they don't bother anymore, but truth be told is that they trust you are old enough to be your own supervisor. And though most of the times you enjoy the freedom of not feeling obliged to answer to them, there are also times when you wish they would be slightly more concerned with what and how you are doing.

I'm not berating about the manner in which I was brought up, because I thought my parents couldn't have done a much better job. However, if there was one thing I ever wish to change, it is that I would have hoped they would be more open-minded and be able to talk to me like a friend. And I believe I would still uphold my respect for them as parents even though the relationship becomes much more lik e what I have with my friends.

I was told recently that I wouldn't know how much you are willing to go for someone until the day when you come across the person who you feel is really the right one for you. This after I commented that it is pure dumbness of someone to consider suicide when his/her relationship with their desired better half did not work out.

Felt so much to, at that point of time, give my friend a piece of my mind about her comments. I can't say that I'm 100% certain, but at least I feel pretty sure that I had come across that situation in my life. I know how far I can go for that certain someone, but surely, suicide is definitely not rationale at all. So what if it works once? Will it work twice? What's the point of getting someone back through blackmail?

For sure, I can't say my methods are right. I mean, to each his own. But I juz feel that if you really love someone and you are meant to be, you can never avoid it no matter how far and fast you try to run away. If you are not meant to be, why don't juz offer that person your blessings and move on? You need not forget the person, not even the feelings you once had for him/her. Keep it as a positive memory to last you through your whole life and you might live happier.

What's the point of feeling sad all the time? It's not gonna change anything, isn't it? Better off to spend the time feeling sad to search for happiness, ain't it so?

Oh gosh...that's a long entry I had juz typed. See, once my fingers started ramming the keyboard it seems so tough to stop. All right, I'm juz gonna reserve whatever else I have left for another entry, lest I find that I have nothing to update in the next week again.

Till the next time, take care everyone~!

It's not fate that I believe in, it's destiny.

[[Walking Alone On This Endless Road]]*|11:09 pm|