Tuesday, March 29, 2005

[[Jeanette Aw!! Australia!!!]]

Did anyone of you watch Wish You Were Here on Channel 5 at 8:30pm? If you didn't...

TOO BAD!!! MUAHAHAHA *grinz*

Jeanette Aw looks so cute and gorgeous!! Reminds me of New Year's Eve when she was at countdown@boonlay. Damn...I wish I could see her in the skin again. Hahaha...please don't take me as a pervert or something cos I'm not. It's juz that she's about as close as I can think of a perfect girl. Which mum wouldn't want their son to bring home a girl like her?

She looks so cute when attempting to create some music with the didgeridoo. Lolx...it was really hilarious. In case you're wondering what's a didgeridoo, it's a musical instrument from the Australian Aborigines and it creates some funny noise that doesn't exactly sound like music.

Strange that there isn't any chinese dramas with her for quite some time. WAKE UP MEDIACORP!!

At a time when Miss Singapore Universe is juz round the corner, I would suggest we don't have a competition and juz send Jeanette Aw as the country's representative for Miss Universe. This will easily solve the complaints people always have about the contestants annually, that the pretty ones are pretty brainless and the brainy ones aren't pretty enough.

I can safely guarantee that Jeanette Aw will at least get through the first round. Looking at this year's contestants, I think there won't be much hope again. Heck, she'll probably win Miss Photogenic and Miss Congeniality.

Ok...I think that's enough about Jeanette Aw. Everyone can tell I'm mad about her. Actually, I'm not. Serious! It's juz that she is my best impression of a perfect girl, that's all.

And talking about Australia, my supervisor and a colleague will very likely be leaving next Monday for Australia on a project for its tourism board. And I am so BLOODY ENVIOUS!!

My supervisor's kinda complaining though, cos it's a rush to visit 8 states in 14 days. That I have to agree. But still it's a free trip! And after everything that they had done for South Australia and Victoria (and not to mention seeing Jeanette Aw on Wish You Were Here), I'm starting to really fascinate about that place. Seems like a really nice place for a getaway.

They will be back on the 18th, which means this Friday would be the last day I get to see both my supervisor and colleague because attachment ends on the 15th. Such a pity. I wished they would be there during the last day of attachment so that I could properly thank everyone for putting me up these three months.

And yes...I don't deny I'm secretly wishing that they would take me there. Hehe...all right I know I'm dreaming. But dreams are what took men so far, ain't it? *sMiLeZ*

*I'vE fOuNd a MaStErPiEcE iN YoU, a WoRk oF ArT tHaT's TrUe, aNd I tReAsUrE YoU*

[[Walking Alone On This Endless Road]]*|9:01 pm|

Monday, March 28, 2005

[[Singing the blues]]

And so...this is a Monday...

And I've entered the third last week of my attachment programme. It only seemed that recently my classmate, Mabel, and I were somewhat lost on our first day of work. Damn...can't believe I'm gonna graduate soon.

Seems like I haven't really thoroughly enjoyed myself these three years. Or should I say, I enjoyed myself too much. It was pool frenzy during year 1. I can still remember always going out for pool sessions after school and it usually left me so broke. Since then, it's been a long long time since I last visited Funky Balls (the pool salon beside Planet Paradigm). Kinda missed that place actually, cos the staff there were usually quite nice to us.

Year 2 was even "worse". Haha...it was like KTV galore man. Never can forget how I sang myself hoarse everytime during KTV, always picking those terribly hard to sing songs with freaking high notes. I suppose I think too highly of myself sometimes. Hehe...aiya I'm quite sure the rest didn't mind that much lah. It's supposed to be having fun, right guys?

And those days at Yew Tee Park...that's where I met some really funny people. And probably where I usually played better basketball than I usually do in most other courts. Don't know why but sometimes weird things just happens.

Year 3...nothing much I can remember. Perhaps it's the least fun year I've had. That is expected, since it's the final year and everyone needs to buck up on studies. But working on projects were great too. The company with group was pretty fulfilling, even though we didn't achieve the sort of results that I dream of. Well...it's a dream anyway. But it was nice to have that sort of company. Thanks!!

And so, graduation's right at my footstep. There isn't much to contemplate about the immediate future because the country needs me (yeah yeah...as if they really do). So much I wish I could relive, but that ain't possible. In life, one can only move forward and not back. I was once told that when you get a chance, you grab it with both hands and do the best you could, because even if you fail, there can be nothing for you to begrude. The only matter is there are times too when people learnt their lessons a little too late.

What can I say about the future? Dumbass...of course I don't know! I wish I could, because not only do I like to know what is in store for me in future but also I can make a loads of dollars from fortune-telling. All right...that's total crap.

So yeah, right now I'm just singing the blues. Just like how the rain is falling for the last few days. How am I yearning to see the bright colourful rainbow when the rain finally subsides...

*I've been waiting for you. All my life for somebody who makes me feel the way I feel when I'm with you*

[[Walking Alone On This Endless Road]]*|8:54 pm|

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

[[I'm Back!!]]

First and foremost, I would like to...

WELCOME MYSELF BACK!!! YAY!!!

Haha...ok so this my first "proper" post since I finished posting my story. Oh yeah, would like to thank everyone who was reading and following it. Really thanks a million. Gives me some form of comfort that people actually do read the crap I wrote. Hehe...

So, no one's heard any of my complaints and stuff for almost a month. I suppose no one misses it, but anywayz, YES MY RAMBLING IS BACK!!! MUAHAHAHA~~

Ok lah I don't have much to complain about, but today was really a crap day. Why?

For a start, I would like to suggest that SMRT install LOUDER speakers to inform passengers the stations they are approaching and have reached. I think I heard someone say I'm a little hard of hearing. Uh-uh...you are so wrong.

Ok...granted that I have my earphones on all the time when I take the train, so I'll pass on that.

But anywayz, guess what? I missed my stop (Paya Lebar) by not one, not two and neither three...but FOUR FREAKING STOPS this bloody morning!! Oh my god...I woke up to happily realise that the train had just departed Bedok and was heading for Tanah Merah.

FOUR STOPS...damn...never in my whole life had I missed so many train stops. And got me late for work by about five minutes. Can you just imagine how bad it would be if I had left home later? (I left for work at around 7:20am, by the way.)

And the most amazing thing is I seem to prefer sleeping on the train than on my own bed!! Dearie me...I could hardly fall asleep last night despite going to bed at midnight. Perhaps I was waiting for something, and when that thing came I could rest my mind and sleep (no dirty thoughts here). But how can one possibly sleep like a pig on the train, which is often so crowded, with seats that are as hard as anything hard you can find and the constant moving and stopping, and fail to get a proper rest on your very OWN AND PERSONAL BED?!?!

Bloody hell...I juz can't find an answer to that. Maybe I should give SMRT a call and ask if they can rent me a train to sleep every night?

On hindsight, that's quite a bad idea. There ain't any toilets in the trains.

Work was ok, though I felt kinda sleepy the whole day. No thanks to the stupid flu. Argh...it gives the temptation to want to pull my nose out sometimes. After work met up with Chrissy to go to BBDC together. He had a driving lesson, and I went to book a bike lesson. We're having our lessons at the same time on Thursday, so gonna meet up again. Cool~

And before I go, juz wanna send a message out to Singtel. You bloody expensive idiots. Please justify the amount of money (and faith) I put in you. I couldn't even make a call or send a SMS when the train goes underground. Talk about quality service. Please look into this problem (which has been constantly bothering me and perhaps everyone) before trying to corrupt our minds with all the bullshit about 3G or 4G or whatever-G, cos if you don't, no one's going to any Gs.

Take care peepz~! *sMiLeZ*

[[Walking Alone On This Endless Road]]*|10:05 pm|

Sunday, March 20, 2005

[[The Last Chapter XXVII]]

"Mummy, where are we going today?"

Little Jimmy was starting to get a little restless on the bus. He was an active boy, always liked to run and move around.

"Mummy is bringing you to see someone special. Just a few more minutes and we'll be there. Bear with it for a while more, ok?"

Celine patted Jimmy's head. Though playful and prone to restlessness at times, little Jimmy was a smart four-year-old. His maturity was beyond his peers and his cheerful character always made Celine proud of him. At times, she actually forgot that Jimmy was adopted.

"Ok, we are there now. Come Jimmy. Mummy will carry you up the slope."

"No, Mummy," winked little Jimmy. "You will be tired. I walk with you, ok?"

Such little thoughtfulness always touched Celine. Her boy always reminded her of him.

Both mother and son reached the top of the slope and they stopped at the tomb in the centre of the rest.

"Jimmy, say hello to you Daddy."

The little boy looked at the tomb with lots of curiosity. There were words inscribed on it which he didn't understand and a picture of a very young man.

"Mummy, where is Daddy?"

It was almost ten years since Jaime had gone. Each year, Celine would visit the tomb a few times. Now that Jimmy had grown a little older, she need not come alone anymore.

"Yes, Jimmy. Didn't you always ask where Daddy is?"

"But Mummy, where is Daddy? How come there is only his picture?"

Celine knelt down beside the boy and held him close. A tear trickled down her right cheek. She managed to hold back her tears for she didn't want her boy to see her cry.

"Jimmy, Daddy has gone to somewhere very far away. You are too young to understand now. When you grow up Mummy willl tell you more, ok?"

Little Jimmy nodded his head. Somehow he had a feeling he would never see his Daddy, but he decided not to probe his mother further. The little boy sat down in the steps of the tomb and started chatting with his Daddy.

Celine smiled. Her boy had really grown up. She had this feeling that wherever Jaime was, he would be smiling too.

"Ok, Jimmy. Let's go home now. We will come visit Daddy again soon, ok?"

Celine held Jimmy's hand and they walked down the slope to the bus stop.

"Mummy, when are we coming again?"

"Soon, Jimmy. I see you enjoyed talking to Daddy."

"Yes, Mummy. Tell me more about Daddy when we get home ok?"

~~~

*tHe EnD*
~~~
*Disclaimer*
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events or locales, is entirely coincidental.
~~~
Ok...that's the end of the story I wrote. It's been quite a long ride. Thanks to all who followed everything I wrote. Hope that you all have been at least entertained and not bored to tears. Haha...normal blog service will resume in a few days. Take care everyone. *sMiLeZ*

[[Walking Alone On This Endless Road]]*|10:09 am|

Saturday, March 19, 2005

[[The Last Chapter XXVI]]

"Celine, time to go now?"

Celine looked up at her colleague. She checked her watch. It was about 3pm.

"Yeah Janet. Almost time we leave. Have you got all the documents ready?"

Celine and Janet boarded the bus that would bring them to their destination. They visited the patient's home and got the documents signed in a jiffy.

"I'm so glad that the organisation could help the family. Gary is so pitiful, struck down by such an illness at a tender age."

"That's right," agreed Celine. "I'm really happy we could provide them some financial assistance. Hope it will help them cope on with life."

As the two ladies were approaching a sheltered walkway, they heard some cries coming from a nearby stairway.

"You heard that, Janet?"

"I think I do. It sounds like a baby."

"We should have a look. Let's go."

They paced towards the direction where the cries were coming from and were shocked at what appeared right before their eyes.

"Oh gosh! It's a baby!"

"Quick, Janet. Call for an ambulance and the police!"

Celine carried the little one from the ground. The newly born was only wrapped in a piece of cloth. He looked so scared, cold and hungry.

Minutes later, an ambulance and the police arrived. Celine and Janet accompanied the baby boy to the hospital and gave their statements to the police.

"I really wonder who that terrible woman is. Fancy abandoning her own son! Good thing we found him early..."

As Janet was ranting on about how she felt over the whole incident, Celine had a sudden thought appearing in her mind.

"Janet, I want to adopt that baby."

Janet's eyes nearly popped out when she heard what Jaime said.

"What? Are you sure, Celine? I know you are kind-hearted but being a mum is totally a different matter altogether! You shouldn't do anything on impulse, you know."

"Don't worry, dear. I know what I'm doing. Now what you can do is to help me think of a nice name for soon-to-be son."

~~~

*the epilogue*

[[Walking Alone On This Endless Road]]*|12:00 am|

Friday, March 18, 2005

[[The Last Chapter XXV]]

The car hit Jaime on his legs. He was sent crashing back first onto the windscreen, the impact almost smashing the glass into bits and pieces. He fell onto the road, lying close to motionless and bleeding badly from his head.

"Jaime!"

Celine ran towards a semi-conscious Jaime. She knelt down beside him and laid his gashed head against his pants, trying to stop the bleeding.

"Someone please help! Call for the ambulance!"

She could hardly control her tears as she held Jaime in her arms. His eyes were staring into space, and Celine could only feel the pain running through his body.

"Why do you have to do this, Jaime?"

The ambulance arrived after about five minutes. By then, Celine's arms were filled with Jaime's blood. He was stretchered into the ambulance with utmost care.

"Jaime...please wake up...look at me..."

Jaime fought to regain consciousness. He used all the strength he had left to muster words to Celine.

"I'm...sorry...I...didn't...mean what...I...said..."

Celine tried to fight back her tears. She held Jaime's hands tightly. They were so cold.

"I know, Jaime...I know...please hold on..."

Jaime could hardly stand the pain, but he tried to hide the agony on his face, forcing a smile.

"Are...you...hurt?"

Celine shook her head. The tears just wouldn't stop flowing.

"I'm fine, Jaime. Why are you so silly?"

"Please...don't...cry...I only...want to...make...you...smile..."

Jaime forced his right hand to reach for his wallet. He flipped opened the wallet. Behind the transparent plastic was a picture of Celine taken more than two years ago.

"This...photo is...my...fave...vourite...you...know...why?"

Celine knew she had kept the photo in his wallet for a long time.

"Why Jaime?"

"Be...cause...it was...the...smile...you wore...when I...first...saw you..."

"Why did you say those words just now, Jaime? Why?"

"I...can't...hold...you back..."

Jaime's heartbeat was starting to fade rapidly. The driver stepped on the accelerator while the paramedics were preparing the equipment for emergency. They knew he couldn't hold out much longer.

"Please hold on Jaime...please...we are reaching the hospital soon..."

Jaime gave his best, but he knew he couldn't hold out any longer. There seemed to be a voice in his head, telling him it was time to go...

"I...think...I...can't...make it..."

Celine held on tighter to Jaime's hands. She wouldn't let him give up any hope.

"No, Jaime. You must make it. Please...hold on..."

Please give me a minute more, Jaime told the voice inside his head. There were still things he wanted to say to Celine.

"I was...blessed...to meet...you...the...three years...they...were the...happiest...years...of my...life..."

"I was blessed to meet you too, Jaime. Don't leave...I won't let you leave...."

Jaime could almost feel that his time was up.

"Thank...you...I...love...you..."

"Jaime..."

Time is up, Jaime. One last sentence before you go, said the voice inside his head.

"Promise...me...that...you will...find your...true happiness..."

Jaime's grip on Celine's fingers went limp. His heart lost its beat and his breathing stopped.

"No! Please! Don't go! Wake up...you can't do this to me!"

~~~

*a new beginning*


[[Walking Alone On This Endless Road]]*|9:36 pm|

Thursday, March 17, 2005

[[The Last Chapter XXIV]]

"Sorry to ask you out of school at this moment..."

Jaime and Celine were alone at the bus stop. It was not the most idea place to have a chat, but it offered Jaime some privacy. He knew the bus stop would most probably be empty at this time of the day.

Jaime was trying to brace himself to say what he wanted to say. Though he had been preparing himself for weeks, he was still at a loss when the time came.

"Isn't there something that you want to tell me?"

In her mind, Celine was guessing what Jaime wanted to tell her. She had expected him to tell her something pleasing for the ears, things that girls like to hear from guys.

"I'm really sorry for the last three years..."

Sorry? What was he sorry for? Celine found Jaime strange at times.

"What are you sorry for, silly?" smiled Celine.

"Actually, for the last three years..."

The words were so hard to come by. Jaime had not told many lies in his life. He was trying so hard to look natural.

"Yeah?"

"I...erm...sorry for cheating you for three years."

Jaime finally managed to blurt out what he tried to mean, though they were not the exact words he wanted to say. Celine, though, was pretty stunned.

"Huh? I don't think I really get what you mean..."

After getting over the initial barrier, Jaime finally could find the guts to vomit everything out from his mind.

"I mean, whatever I said about how I feel about you over the last three years. I just lied. I made a bet with the guys that I can woo you before we graduate. I already have a girlfriend of four years. Just wanna..."

Before Jaime could finish, Celine gave him a real hard slap on his face. She could hardly believe what she had just heard. For three years, she had been fooled without knowing a single thing. Her mind was in a blur and her eyes turning red, with tears threatening to flow any moment.

Jaime could barely dare to look into Celine's eyes. He was shattered inside, but he thought he had to do what he felt was best for the both of them. There was nothing in his mind except the words "I'm so sorry" running in it.

"You liar...jerk...I don't ever want to see you again!"

Celine, still in a state of shock and disbelief, turned and started to run. She just wanted to get away as far as possible. Without looking out for traffic, she ran across the road. Little did she know that there was a car speeding towards her.

Jaime saw the car coming, and ran after Celine.

"No! Celine! Get away!"

Celine heard Jaime's cries and stopped in her tracks. She saw the car coming straight at her at high speed. The driver slammed his brakes and punched his horns repeatedly, but Celine just froze in the middle of the road. She didn't even have time to scream out her fear.

"Get away!"

Sprinting as fast as he posssibly could, Jaime managed to get to Celine in time. He used all his strength to push her out of harm's way. Celine landed on the grass patch on the curbside and cut her elbows. She looked in horro as the car, trying in vain to stop, skid towards Jaime, who was now standing right where she was.

"Jaime! No!"

~~~

*sorry, I never told you...all I wanted to say*

[[Walking Alone On This Endless Road]]*|11:37 pm|

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

[[The Last Chapter XXIII]]

"As we go on, we'll remember...all the times we, had together..."

On graduation day in possibly every school, the song was almost a sure-play. There could hardly be any other song that could more amptly sum up how graduating students would feel on the day they finish school and take the next important step in their life.

That day, the school was buzzing with lots of activities. The graduating students were feeling both happy and sad before the ceremony, and the juniors were busy with making sure that their seniors would fondly remember their last day in school.

Everyone was smartly dressed. Some brought their parents along to witness an important moment of their lives. Some brought their close friends or their significant others. The rest, like Jaime, chose to attend the ceremony alone.

As each student went on stage to receive their diplomas, there were smiles of happiness and relief. All the hard work for the last three years had finally bore fruit. Jaime could hardly force himself to smile as he received his certificate from the school's director. His mind was preoccupied with preparing himself on what he had to do later.

The class gathered at the canteen after the ceremony. Everyone was excited about their successful graduation from school. There was so much to talk about over lunch. Jaime quietly excused himself and went to the bus stop on the other side of the road from school.

"Hi there...do you think I can talk to you to private for a short moment?"

It didn't take long before Celine replied his message. Some part of her sort of expected Jaime to have something to tell her. But she could never had dreamt of what was going to happen.

~~~

*you know it's true, everything I do, I do it for you*

[[Walking Alone On This Endless Road]]*|9:16 pm|

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

[[The Last Chapter XXII]]

After a few weeks in school, the countdown to graduation began. Every student was sent to different companies on a three-month long attachment. Successful completion of the attachment and the diploma would be secured.

Jaime could hardly believe three years were coming to an end so soon. It still seems that yesterday was his first day in school. He didn't have a feeling that he had aged three more years.

Part of him was looking forward to the attachment. It would be quite an experience learning how things work in the real society. But the bigger part of him dreaded the coming attachment. It would be the longest time he would be apart from Celine for three years.

For the last few months, he had been thinking long and hard. Perhaps it was about time he let go of what he had been holding on. He and Celine hadn't made much progress, though that was not his main concern. He had been feeling guilty that he could be holding back Celine from potential happiness.

The three months were hard for Jaime. He felt he really needed to move on for Celine's sake, but try as he might, he couldn't convince himself to do so. Neither did he know how to. There were just so much he could never forget. Even though both of them hardly kept in touch, it had done nothing to change how Jaime felt.

There were still so many words he had unspoken. He didn't want to have any regrets, but neither did he want those words to have any more impact on her. In the end, he finally talked himself round.

Afterall, there were so many things loving Celine had taught him. He grew to understand that one does not need to possess another physically in order to love that someone. And he knew that so long as she was happy, it wouldn't matter who she was with. Because it would make Jaime happy too.

It was a terribly difficult decision, but Jaime was the one who wouldn't change his mind once he decided. He knew what he had to do on the day they graduate.

~~~

*end of the road*

[[Walking Alone On This Endless Road]]*|9:10 pm|

Monday, March 14, 2005

[[The Last Chapter XXI]]

It was a small gathering at the chalet. Gwen's friends were all preparing for the exams, while about a handful of the class turned up. Jaime didn't expect that something magical would happne that very night.

Everything went on normally. There was plenty of food and barbeque. The night was cool and comfortable. After playing pool for an hour or so with his classmates, Jaime decided to go out for a walk.

The beach was one of Jaime's favourite places for moments of solitude. He loved to have the gentle breeze blowing into him, listen to the waves crashing into the sandy beaches, and at night, looking at the stars filling up the sky and twinkle their brightest for all to admire.

David had went, with Sarah and Gillian, to pick up Celine. She had been working and initially was reluctant to go for the chalet, but the rest convinced her to come by getting David to drive her to the chalet.

Though everything had returned to normal between him and Celine, Jaime was still a little hesitant. What should he say to her later? The feeling was a little weird and awkward, considering what happened just a few weeks before.

While Celine had already arrived, Jaime was still out at the beach. Will called him, asking him to return. They had wanted to cut Gwen's birthday cake. It didn't take long for Jaime to get back.

Soon after the cake cutting, David, Gillian, Sarah and Kate left. There were only six of them left at the chalet: Gwen, her boyfriend Jason, Will, Carrie, Celine and Jaime. Both Gwen and Jason had a long day, so they decided to rest, leaving the four of them.

It was getting boring inside the chalet, and there weren't many shows worth watching at times like 2am. The four decided to buy some drinks and chit-chat at the beach for a while. Perhaps because there were only four of them, Jaime had much more to talk to with Celine.

As an hour draws to a close, so were Carrie's eyes. The fatigued girl could hardly keep herself awake, and she had to work the following afternoon. They decided to walk her back and let her have some rest. Not soon after, Will got sleepy too.

It was 5am. Jaime, feeling a little restless, decided to wait for the sunrise at the beach. He knew it was almost impossible to catch the sunrise on the beach, but it beats staying in the chalet with nothing to do.

"Shall I go with you too?"

Jaime was taken aback for a split second. He and Celine alone at the beach waiting for sunrise? It sounded almost too good to be true. He secretly pinched his left arm to check if he was awake. And sure he was.

"Oh...yeah, why not? It would be nice to have you for company."

~~~

The sky was beginning to turn blue as Jaime and Celine strolled along the beach. They sat down at a small rocky slope, where Jaime had been the night before, and started to chat.

It seemed like the two of them were lost in their own world. Not for once had Jaime felt this way. Everytime he was alone with Celine, he couldn't help but feel that everyone else in the world was non-existent. It was the only thing he would trade all he had for.

All that was happening seemed like a dream to Jaime. It was somewhat like the jigsaw puzzle he gave to Celine on her birthday a few months back. There might be no fireworks on display, no grass to sit on for comfort, and no beautiful lakes, but the feeling was exactly how Jaime felt when he first saw the puzzle.

The smallest things in life were usually the most memorable to Jaime. He always enjoyed the friendly squabbles with Celine. At times too, he seemed like a bothersome old man, always nagging at her for her forgetfulness.

Celine had her fair share of nagging at Jaime as well. He was always that silly guy. One who gave so much and never expected anything in return. Many had their reservations about Jaime as a person, but he had this side of him only she knew. Celine always found it puzzling why Jaime wasn't unwilling to be misunderstood.

That morning became the most important in Jaime's life. He could never forget how they tried to put sand onto each other's hair, them sitting side by side to see a sunrise they knew they couldn't catch, walking around and exploring the chalet reception...

If only, Jaime thought, that every single day of his life would be like that day...

~~~

*decisions...decisions*

[[Walking Alone On This Endless Road]]*|8:52 pm|

Saturday, March 12, 2005

[[The Last Chapter XX]]

The second last semester of school was a fast one. With loads of projects and work on hand, there was brealy time to take a breather. It was a good thing for Jaime to be busy. When at work, there wasn't much time or space for him to think of anything else.

All these months, Jaime began to find projects fulfilling and enjoyable. Thus, when the holidays came, he began to feel some emptiness again. There wasn't much to look forward to, except a chalet his classmate Gwen had organised for her birthday during late October.

Just a few weeks before the chalet, Jaime and Celine had a long talk with each other. Not only had the last two-and-a-half years been tough for Jaime, it was tough for Celine too. It was so hard to understand Jaime. At times, he was, to her, the most wonderful guy. But there were times she never could find a proper reason why he was so cold towards her.

Though she began to realise how true Jaime felt about her, Celine still wasn't sure about herself. Shee, too, was growing tired of guessing what Jaime was thinking. She wished so much for him to be more open and straightforward. But at the same time, she felt really bad too. For she was making him wait for something she couldn't guarantee.

One night, she decided to message Jaime.

"You know, I guess we should give ourselves some time to cool off and think over..."

The next few days were absolutely terrible for the both of them. They avoided direct contact with each other in school and did not message each other. It took them so much effort to look like nothing was wrong. A few days later, Jaime thought enough was enough.

"I don't know about you, but the last few days were absolute hell. I still miss you a lot..."

Despite the cheerful persona Celine had always shown on the outside, there were matters in her mind that affected her natural happy self. She too, had been feeling so mixed up.

"It's weird and this sounds like an irony, but it feels so much like a break up..."

Finally, both relented. The last few days had proven too much to take and they began talking again a week before the chalet.

~~~

*dreams are my reality*

[[Walking Alone On This Endless Road]]*|3:22 pm|

Thursday, March 10, 2005

[[The Last Chapter XIX]]

"Hmm...this piece should be here rather than there..."

It was the second day that Jaime had been dedicating to the jigsaw puzzle. He knew he was spending too much time on it. There wasnt another person he knew who would need more than a day to finish piecing a 500-piece jigsaw puzzle together. It was not entirely his fault though. The only jigsaws he did was those 50-piece ones when he was a kid.

"Oh dear. Where's the last piece?"

Nothing can get worse than losing the last piece of a jigsaw. Stay calm, Jaime thought. It had to be somewhere.

He looked around his bed, below his pillow, under his soft toys. No signs of a coloured pieced of cardboard. The package was his last hope. He had emptied the pieces on his bed. If it wasn't there he would be dead meat.

Jaime slowly opened the box, praying hard that the missing piece was left in the box. He could barely dare to look...

"Phew. It really is inside. So lucky..."

Jaime could finally heave a sigh of relief. He placed the last piece into the jigsaw. It was not complete and ready to be framed. He took a short while to admire the complete jigsaw. It looked so much more beautiful than the printing on the package.

Mickey and Minnie sitting by the river watching fireworks. It looked so sweet and romantic. It all seemed like a wonderful dream. Him and Celine, sitting by the river watching fireworks...

~~~

That night wasn't a particularly memorable night for Jaime. He met Celine to pass her the jigsaw puzzle after she finished work. She didn't seem really excited to receive the present, and Jaime couldn't get into what Celine was so preoccupied with the whole day. He wished they could talked about other things, but it was her birthday and he didn't want to look like a wet blanket.

Though he accompanied her on the train ride, Jaime didn't get to send Celine home. He had already felt weak, tired and powerless to persuade Celine.

Throughout the vacation, both of them hardly had much contact. Jaime had started to feel himself being very drained with life. Sometimes, he felt too tired of carrying a torch for Celine. It had been two years, yet things had remained stagnant. He wished so much to move on, but his heart refused to.

Not a day passed by without him missing Celine. There were times when he spent hours reading her messages that he kept in his handphone. There were times when he would just stare blankly at her photo in his wallet. Each time, his mind was flooded with so many memories, whether good or bad. Somehow, tears would just fall unknowingly. Jaime never liked to cry, but it was simply not within his inner control.

Jaime knew he was losing time. There was only a year left before they would graduate. He found it hard to imagine what life would be like after these three years. With each passing day, he grew more afraid of graduation day. What would his life be without Celine?

Perhaps he would forget her one day. But what if he couldn't?

~~~

*the iron wall*

[[Walking Alone On This Endless Road]]*|8:43 pm|

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

[[The Last Chapter XVIII]]

"Ok, that's all I'm going to study today. So tired already."

Jaime had been out for the whole afternoon with David and Daphne revising for their exams. Usually before exams, they would meet up to revise together. Most of the time they would be chit-chatting or be distracted by people shopping around the mall, but it was always less boring to study together. They had each other to clarify their doubts too.

"Shall we go around shopping for a while?" asked Daphne.

It sounded a good idea to the two guys. After sitting for hours, their bodies needed some walking around. Jaime was intending to look around for something to buy too. Celine's birthday was only less than a month away.

There were so many things that Jaime could buy. The shopping mall had many shops selling jewellry and accessories. There were quite a few gift shops too. And not to mention the various fashion boutiques. But Jaime wanted to get something that required effort from him to make it a complete article. An idea then popped into his mind.

"Can we go look at some jigsaw puzzles?"

Located at one corner of the shopping mall was a shop retailing jigsaw puzzles. It was a small outlet, but the different designs that were available made deciding on one a tough task. After browsing for ten minutes or so, Jaime finally saw one that he fancied.

"What do you think of this?"

David and Daphne took a look at the puzzle. It was Mickey and Minne sitting by the riverside watching fireworks. A good choice, both agreed.

"You sure about the puzzle? So troublesome to make one, you know," said David.

"Yeah, I may not be good with these things, but I can always try," smiled Jaime.

~~~

*pieces, pieces*

[[Walking Alone On This Endless Road]]*|11:17 pm|

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

[[The Last Chapter XVII]]

It was a busy afternoon at the restuarant as usual. Customers were coming in non-stop since lunchtime and it was not until 4pm when the restuarant started to quieten down. Jaime, who finishes work at 5, was busy preparing stuff for the restuarant for dinnertime.

Everything was almost done. There was about twenty minutes before Jaime knock off. Jaime was praying that he wouldn't be given any last minute work to do.

"Jaime, help me chop these chillies before you go?"

Obviously, he didn't pray hard enough. Twenty minutes to finish chopping a bad of chilli padi. Given his level of skill, it would be really tough. Chilli padi weren't exactly the easiest items to chop too, given their small size.

Jaime tried to chop as fast as he could. It took him about fifteen minutes to finish half a bag. He knew he had to go faster. Something bad was bound to happen due to his carelessness.

"Ouch..."

Jaime accidentally hit his left index fingernail with the knife. He was starting to bleed a little from the wound, not to mention a cracked nail. Jaime could only blame himself for his careless nature.

Finally, he managed to finish the task. It was already ten minutes past five. He changed out of his working tee and apron very quickly and rushed off for home without having his dinner.

~~~

"Damn. Not a traffic pile-up at this time..."

Jaime's cab had reached the road just outside the shopping mall. But the cab was not able to move into the drop-off point because of heavy traffic.

"Boy, why don't I drop you here? It will take a long time for the other cars to clear," suggested the cab driver.

"Oh, that's great. Thanks a lot, uncle."

Jaime paid the fare and ran across the road towards the shopping mall. It was 7pm. He still had 30 minutes. It was just nice to do a little walking around. Jaime passed by a VCD shop and bought a VCD. A few minutes later, his handphone message ringtone sounded.

"Hi there. Where are you now?"

Celine was off from work. She met up with Jaime, and they sat themselves at a fast-food restuarant. Jaime bought his dinner while Celine got a drink. They chatted as he ate.

"What happened to your finger?"

Celine was surprised to see Jaime's finger injured.

"Erm...just a little careless during work just now and cut it."

"You are so careless all the time. Next time, be more careful ok?"

Though it was only a few words of concern, it meant so much to Jaime. So long as those words came from Celine. The stupid guy once had a dumb thought of injuring himself more often. It was a good thing he wasn't childish enough to take up that thought.

Both spent about two hours talking about anything and everything. It was getting late, so Jaime walked Celine home. While walking Celine home, both found time to look at stars in the night sky.

"Isn't the sky tonight so beautiful? Look at those stars..."

As Celine gazed dreamily at the star-littered sky, Jaime couldn't help but get lost looking at Celine. There was such a sparkle in her eyes and smile. Something Jaime never found in anyone else. To him, there was only one beautiful star that night.

"I'm home now. Thanks so much for walking with me. Have a safe journey home ok?"

Though they walked slower than they normally would, Jaime couldn't help but feel that the seconds passed by so much faster than usual. He watched, with a heavy heart, at Celine taking the lift to her apartment and slowly walked back to the train station. Within minutes from walking from her home, Jaime got a message.

"Hmm...why can't I see you from my window?"

Jaime turned back and looked up the flat. He could hardly see anyone behind any windows. Celine, too, couldn't catch a sight of Jaime anywhere at the carpark. Though not able to see each other, they continued to message each other for more than an hour.

That was the last time Jaime had the chance to walk Celine home.

~~~

*could you be that missing piece*

[[Walking Alone On This Endless Road]]*|8:42 pm|

Monday, March 07, 2005

[[The Last Chapter XVI]]

That day, Jaime didn't manage to walk Celine home. She had dropped off the train earlier to meet her parents. The whole day was not an exceptional one. Celine seemed distracted and they spent quite a bit of time with a classmate who was working in town.

Things, however, got better for Jaime during the next few months. They chatted more often, and Jaime began to be more frank and straightforward in his messages. It had always been tough for him to express how he feels, but as time passed by, he learnt to slowly open up to Celine.

Whenever they started to message each other, it was a difficult task to stop. Whatever little communication they had in school was compensated by the messages sent between them. With every message sent, the emotional attachment grew stronger for Jaime. He was beginning to fear the day when they would graduate. It would be too tough for him to let go.

Jaime had wanted to buy Celine something for a long time. They had once talked about Jaime's favourite drama. In it was a scene when the male lead went down on his knee to put on an anklet for the female lead. It was a romantic moment that had both cooing over it. Jaime had an idea sprung into his mind.

After scrimping and saving for two weeks, Jaime manged to buy an anklet that caught his eye. He wished he could get soemthing more exquisite, but money was something he didn't have in abundance his whole life. Nevertheless, he was happy with what he bought, and couldn't stop thinking about what he wanted to do with it.

"Hi there...would you be free this Saturday?"

Jaime didn't have lots of confidence nowadays. Most of the time when he asked Celine out, she would probably be busy. Maybe that was why he treasured the very few times he could spend moments alone with her.

"Hmm...I have an appointment with my aunt. What's up?"

Celine was always her curious self. There was probably nothing she wouldn't want to find out. But Jaime had already been disheartened. This was perhaps the only area in his life where his confidence diminish that quickly.

"It's all right then. Some other day perhaps."

Jaime had intended to ask her out to the musical fountain during the weekend. And the anklet...he wanted so much to put it on for her. Maybe fate had decided Jaime was not the one to do it.

A few days later, he wrote a short letter, enclosed it with the anklet and mailed it to Celine.

I really hope that one day, you could find that perfect someone to put this on for you. And I really hope to see you wearing it, because when I do, I know you had found someone you would be happy with...

~~~

The message read,"I won't disturb you watching your movie. Concentrate on it!"

Sometimes, watching a movie with Jaime can get distracting. Just like what was happening at that moment, he was more concerned with replying his messages rather than what was going on in the movie.

Actually, he wouldn't be that concerned with the messages. But because they were from Celine, it became a different story. In any case, the particular movie did not interest him that much., and he didn't have to fork out a single cent to watch it.

Jaime's stubbornness was only, in the end, defeated by his flat mobile battery. But that was made up later in the night. He managed to have a chat with Celine on the phone after he got home. Jaime could never hold a long conversation over the phone, but when they hung up, he wished it would had lasted longer than that hour or so.

That night, he could hardly stop smiling as he tried to sleep. Tossing and turning, dreamland found it hard to come by. Jaime did convince himself to get to sleep eventually. He had to work afternoon shift the next day. And more importantly, he was meeting Celine for dinner after she finishes work.

~~~

*starry, starry night*

[[Walking Alone On This Endless Road]]*|8:41 pm|

Friday, March 04, 2005

[[The Last Chapter XV]]

Celine was a confused girl. She had never been in love before, let alone having boyfriends. Sure, there were the odd crushes, but they were just what they were: only crushes. She could feel the sincerity shown by Jaime, but at the same time, she wasn't sure. Though not entirely convinced, she found it hard to doubt all he said either.

She brought out her handphone and started typing a message to Jaime. It was terribly difficult to express how she felt, because she wasn't too sure about how she felt. Celine wondered how Jaime would interpret her message.

Words meant more and spoke louder than actions for Jaime. Being slightly introverted compared to most people around him, Jaime always expresses himself better with written rather than spoken words. This, too, led to a tendency of him reading too much into what others communicate with him through words sometimes.

"You know, I really am not sure of what to say...I don't wish to encourage you or discourage you..."

Jaime felt absolutely gutted. What was she trying to mean? It was neither a yes nor a no. Perhaps it would be easier to accept a negative answer in the current situation. It could hurt, but maybe not as much should it happen in future.

What should Jaime do now? Should he take a step forward, or give everything up and move on?

~~~

The next few months had been turbulent, to say the least. At times, everything was smooth-sailing. Jaime and Celine had lots to talk about. It feel likes they were taking a step forward in their relationship. But on others, things felt like going downhill more than anything else. To Jaime, everytime he tried to take a step forward towards Celine, she seemed to retreat a step back.

Indeed, it was frustrating and tiring. Jaime wished to let go of everything, and really did on some occasions. But each time he started chatting with Celine again, he felt that he couldn't do it afterall. It would had felt even more painful than living in denial.

Very soon, it was school holidays again. A period which Jaime welcomed and dreaded at the same time. On one hand, it was a deserved break from school. And that means late nights would cause no problems during this period. On the other hand, he would miss not being able to see Celine on a regular basis. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, they say. For Jaime, not only was it fonder, it was miserable as well.

December 18 would become a very important day to Jaime. Not only was it the day when the final instalment of his favourite movie would premiere in cinemas islandwide, it was the first time he would be catching a movie with Celine. With just her.

It would become the only movie they ever watched alone together as well...

~~~

*don't wanna fight no more*

[[Walking Alone On This Endless Road]]*|10:50 pm|

Thursday, March 03, 2005

[[The Last Chapter XIV]]

There are some moments in life when one wished he had the speed of an Olympian sprinter. At that very moment, Jaime wanted so much to run as fast as Maurice Greene. Obviously, he could never manage to reach that kind of calibre, but still, he gave everything he had. Like he had neverran for the whole of his life before.

He soon approached a metal chain suspended by two poles at a height around his knees. Anytime he would clear that barrier with consummate ease, but not this time.

As he leapt over the barricade, his right foot caught the metal chain and sent him crashing onto the road. His fall attracted some concerned looks from by-standers, but Jaime picked himself up almost instantly and resumed his sprint towards her house. Little did he know that his right elbow and knee had started to bleed profusely.

Just as he passed the coffeeshop, he saw Celine waiting on the pavement beside the road.

"You silly guy. You could have waited till Monday..."

Jaime, still oblivious to the pain of his wounds, was trying to catch his breath.

"I'll walk you home first? Let me catch some breath..."

Celine noticed Jaime was bleeding badly from his right elbow.

"Oh dear! What happened? Did you fall?"

An embarrassed Jaime could hardly find a reply for Celine.

"Why are you so careless? See what you had gotten yourself into..."

Celine got Jaime to wash his wounds. She was worried about infections. Jaime then walked her to the lift at her apartment. Still, he found it hard to force the words out of his mouth.

"I have to go up now. My dad would be wondering what took me so long to reach home. I guess, in the end, you'll probably would have to wait till Monday again..."

Celine entered the lift, and held the door open for a guy to board the lift. Just as the doors were about to start closing, Jaime finally commanded enough courage to say what he wanted to say.

"I like you!"

The words managed to get through to Celine before the doors closed. It left her quite lost and speechless. Unfortunately for Jaime, those words got through to the guy in the lift as well. He couldn't help but gave a wry smile at Jaime just as the lift doors closed.

~~~

*why do I love you? don't even want to*

[[Walking Alone On This Endless Road]]*|9:02 pm|

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

[[The Last Chapter XIII]]

Time waits for no man, and Jaime found himself into his second year of study in school. Two months of vacation felt like a day, and it had alread been weeks since he last messaged Celine.

Even in school, he appeared to give her the cold shoulder. It was already Friday., and for the past four days he didn't speak a single word to her. At times, he even treated her as if she was invisible.

Such was the case that some of the girls in class were getting increasingly critical of Jaime. Neither had Jaime come out to explain the situation to anyone. He never liked to be misunderstood, but Jaime had always been the sort to keep things to himself, not wanting to involve anyone else with his problems. Or in a worse situation, blurt out words that might hurt or offend others.

Things did not pass by without Will noticing them. He found time to speak to Jaime in private, but still couldn't manage to force anything out of the stubborn guy. Finally, he gave up.

"Hey man, you can't go on like this. Even if you don't wish to tell anyone, at least find an opportunity to talk to her in private? Don't do injustice to yourself."

Jaime thought for a while and decided to heed Will's advice. He messaged Celine and they agreed to meet at the shopping mall near her house that night.

~~~

It was not usual to spot people standing and having a chit-chat session, but that was what Jaime and Celine did when they met each other.

"Erm...actually I just wanna apologise to you."

"Whatever for? What are you sorry about?" replied a slightly confused Celine.

"I thought I was being a little cold towards you in school for the last few days. I didn't mean to do that intentionally, but was having some personal problems of my own."

Celine could tell that Jaime was not speaking the entire truth. What personal problems could result in him not ignoring everyone else but her? Nonetheless, she accepted his apologies and decided not to probe further.

"Hmm, it's getting late already. I should be going home now. My dad is expecting me to be home by now."

Jaime wanted so much to walk her home, but Celine politely declined.

"You be on your way home too? I'll message you once I get home."

Reluctantly, Jaime agreed. He still had some words unspoken to her, but he just couldn't bring himself to spit them out. Both walked in opposite directions: Celine towards home and Jaime to the train station.

On the waiting platform, Jaime finally plucked up enough courage. He messaged Celine, telling her he had something else to tell her. Almost instantly, he got her call.

"What is it you haven't tell me?"

"Something important which I wish to say in person. Are you home yet?"

"Not yet, but you're waiting for the train, aren't you? Why don't..."

""No no, it's all right. I'll come for you now. Wait for me, please?"

"But then..."

"I'm already out of the train station. Give me three minutes."

~~~

*running, running as fast as he can*

[[Walking Alone On This Endless Road]]*|8:45 pm|

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

[[The Last Chapter XII]]

Most of the class were settled inside the chalet watching a horror movie. Jaime was alone cleaning the little mess that were left over at the barbeque pit. He didn't like horror movie anyway. It was always a bad idea to him. What's the point of scaring yourself?

Sarah soon came out from inside and offered her help.

"Need some help? So nice of you to clear all this alone."

"Thanks a lot. I'll really appreciate some help for this."

It took only a short while for the two to clear the rubbish. After they were done with the disposing, Jaime and Sarah sat on the railing and started chatting.

"So, how is it going between you and Celine?" asked Sarah.

"Hmm...nothing much. Pretty much like you and I?"

Sarah gave Jaime a pat on the back. "You gotta work harder, boy. I'll support you all the way!"

The two chatted like how they do on their bus trips home. People had often commented that they looked good together, but all it brought to Jaime was annoyance.

Don't people realise that two persons of the opposite sexes need not have that special feeling with each other to be good pals?

Soon after, Celine came out with a camera in her hand. Sarah quickly had an idea run into her head.

"Celine, how about I take a picture of you and Jaime?"

Celine, looking somewhat taken aback, replied,"Why don't I take a picture of the two of you? Since you two are already seated nicely side by side."

She began adjusting the focus on her camera. Jaime, however, felt less than pleased with Celine's response. To say the least, he was disappointed with her response. She probably wouldn't have said that to anyone else.

"Nah, I don't want to take any pictures. Can't stand the flashlight. Don't mind if I excuse myself? Need to go to the washroom for a while."

With that, Jaime walked off, leaving the rather stunned girls behind.

~~~

*speak out your feelings...LOUD*

[[Walking Alone On This Endless Road]]*|9:27 pm|

[[The Walker]]


Welcome to Cheng-xun's Blog. Call me CX if you want. I think that saves loads of trouble for people. Graduated with a Diploma in Media & Communication from SP, currently serving (quite reluctantly) the nation and hoping to go to Australia for further studies one day.

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I love music and I love food. I love writing but I'm not that good. Soccer is my first love for a long time, but it can't take me through the rest of my life. Would you? *winkz*

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