[[*Endless Road_______Endless Journey]]*

Saturday, October 30, 2004

[[Too much to take?]]

Finally another entry. It's been quite a few days. Don't really know how to start off this entry. These days...everything about me is perfectly symbolised by the weather: blowing hot and cold. Really a wonder how much more I can take this...
Hey girls. Really feel like asking you all something. How much does it really take for a guy to convince you his feelings? It seems abit tough. Nono...it IS tough. Not that I realised it only now. But lately...I'm starting to grow a little tired...tired of everything I know. Tired of life. Damn...I am really silly, like what she always calls me. Wonder why should one life be so much about the other...
My whole body's "blushing" now. One afternoon at the beach, and it's left me feeling like a Chinese dish: hong shao pai gu, or red-roasted spare ribs (loosely translated). Tomorrow morning have a basketball session with my secondary school mates. Oh man...really gonna look so tanned for the next few days.
Working the whole of next week. It's gonna be really long. But it's good too. I need the cash. Going so broke nowadays that I can't believe I'm actually going broke...
Oh yeah...I still got 2 movie tickets to any movie at Cathay Cineplex. Dad gave it to me. Must be cos I don't have any girlfriend. Wanna encourage to date some girls out. If you don't know, both my bro and sis have brought their other halves home to meet my parents. Darn~...
So, anyone...wait...any girls interested? Haha...juz kidding lah. Still wondering who to ask...
Soccer time now. It's Saturday night. Till the next time~

[[Walking Alone On This Endless Road]]*|10:21 pm|

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

[[A Moment Like This]]

Phew...juz got home from school. Went to take my ICM project results straight after Phoebe's chalet. The result was pretty ok. For once, we didn't end up on the wrong side of the marks that much. Really thankful man. Saying I'm totally satisfied with the scores would be lying, but that is as much as we probably deserve. Anywayz...well done people. =)
Haven't got any sleep the whole night. And I haven't had my breakfast too. Hmm...talking about last night...it was one magical night? Don't really know what word is most suitable to describe it too. Seems like I've never spent so much time with her before as compared to last night and this early morning. Initially there were 4 of us who went for a walk. Got some drinks, and juz chit chatted along the way. Strange how things seemed to be falling into pieces again on Sunday night.
Then went back to the chalet cos Bert was too tired. That poor lass. Still gotta work almost 1 whole day after this. Had the intention to go out and walk again at around 6am. Wanted to catch the sunrise, but as I already knew, ECP was probably 1 of the places you will not go to catch a sunrise. Still, wanna take a chance since I was already there. Was really surprised that she said she would like to go too.
For the 1st time in, erm...I don't know how long, but anywayz...gotta spend some time alone with her. Haha...really couldn't explain how I really felt. But I juz wished that perhaps, everyday could be like this (impossible I know. Stop calling me a fool cos I know it). Juz sat down near the sea, talked about juz anything, played sand...sounds really simple stuff but simplicity is most beautiful.
I've probably nagged at her the whole night. Haha...I wonder why I keep doing that too. At least she hasn't got really pissed with me. Seem so quarrelsome the whole night, but it was fun though.
Suddenly...I feel awake again.
Oh damn...I gotta leave home soon too. Meeting some classmates for KTV. Haha I sound like having a good life huh? Yeah, it is a good life. But it'll be a wonderful one...if everyday was like this morning. =)

[[Walking Alone On This Endless Road]]*|11:57 am|

Friday, October 22, 2004

[[Barely there...almost~!]]

Friday!! My dear...it's finally here. 1 last submission to hand up. Stupid CDA. What an irritating module. Can't get my flash movie right. Damn...the tweening juz refuses to appear. This is what you can when someone who tries too hard to come up with a decent idea gets let down by his technical disability. Haiz~...
Juz wanna get this damn thing out of the way as soon as I can. Stupid SP. Give me the liberty to choose my own electives but in the end I don't get what I want. Instead I have to choose another combination because "not enough people chose your combi and we can't squeeze you into a timetable". What crap! Might as well they choose all my electives for me then they wouldn't have so much trouble? Or rather, don't even have such a thing called electives if they find it so troublesome. Duhz~
Enough of the school work. The term break is finally here. Got another free weekend cos the people at work didn't put me on schedule. It's not such a bad thing though. Can get some rest and watch tv. That means I won't have to miss my 10am korean drama on Channel U and Meteor Garden I on Channel 8 at 12pm. Wonder why am I watching Meteor Garden actually. I'm not into F4. Can hardly stand the sight of Vanness. Hmm her influence maybe?
Sunday night's the big match. Man U vs Arsenal. The way Man U is playing now...don't know how to say sia. Last season can score can't defend. It's the opposite this season. What the hell...this after they bought Rooney? Juz can't figure what the heck they are trying to do now. Let's pray for some surprises. Or rather, miracles?
Having such a stiff neck now. It's always a tough time when you can't move your neck left and right as freely as you want.
Anywayz it's time to get back to CDA. Gotta at least try and see how I can do the tween. A little hard to concentrate now. It's late. It's chilly. It's nice to sleep. And I'm missing her...

[[Walking Alone On This Endless Road]]*|12:26 am|

Monday, October 18, 2004

[[Cold, cold night]]

Such a cold and chilly night here in the west. Been having a runny nose and "sneeze-fest" for the whole of yesterday. Man...was that really terrible. I wonder if it's because of the hazy weather or if someone's scolding or missing me.
Anywayz had the FYP presentation today. Really damn stupid of me. Asked everyone to bring their logbooks today to hand up, but in the end I forgot to bring mine and have to trouble my mum to meet me back at Boon Lay. Really a waste of time. Nothing seems to go right these few days...
The presentation wasn't that bad. It went quite smoothly for us I think. And we didn't exceed the time limit, so no marks deducted for that. Overall perhaps it could be improved but the work all of us put in is really good enough for me. Thanks alot people. =)
Guess everyone's really looking forward to the end of the week. The last week of our school term. A break everyone is really looking forward to. I suppose I will be looking forward to it too. Got lots of things planned out for the holidays. Work more to get money. Hopefully gym often to build up those lazy muscles. Hanging out with friends for a drink and chat. Sometimes it can be a wonder when a single actually has so much to do.
Adding to today, it's been 3 days since I last had any form of communication with her. Well...she's online now. But I guess she probably doesn't wanna talk to me or anything. Haiz~...guess that's the way things will go.
Time to end off now. Oh yeah thanks to those peepz who had to listen to me whine juz now. Really needed that. Especially Joanne. Haha sorry for those explicits. I don't usually use those in front of girls. =P

[[Walking Alone On This Endless Road]]*|11:55 pm|

Saturday, October 16, 2004

[[Over]]

End of Friday and the beginning of the most dreaded Saturday of my life. Yeah...school has now unofficially ended. Though there are still presentations, a CA and another project submission next week, there's pretty nothing much. It happens to be study week, and since there are no more exams for me, school has sort of ended.
Really dread the coming of this Saturday. End of the school semester. Meaning I won't be able to see her in school anymore. It really does seem that it's really over...both of us. Even when we didn't have a beginning to start with. Like what she said, it feels like a break-up. But it's even worse. We had no beginning, just an ending.
Telling me to forget her...easier said than done. I don't know, but if it hurts her, like she said, then why force this ending? For my own good? That we are doing this for me? Are you sure this is the best solution for me? So what if I could forget you? Will I be better off?
I don't expect much. Juz don't treat me with this cold shoulder. That we don't seem to know each other anymore. That we can't even be friends. That we can't chat like how we did in the past. It hurts even more. Don't you know? Elva had a song "Zui Shou Xi De Mo Shen Ren". Are we meant to be? To be 2 persons who seem to know each other so well but are strangers?
Maybe 1 day I would eventually forget you. Maybe that day might never come. Even if we are not fated to be together, being juz friends won't hurt. Even if you chose to never give us a chance, even if you chose to give that chance to someone else. I'll never blame nor hate you. I'll only wish and pray for you to be happy like you'll always do. And be there for you when you have problems, when you need a shoulder to cry on. Is that too much to ask for...

[[Walking Alone On This Endless Road]]*|1:13 am|

Thursday, October 14, 2004

[[]]

Haven't updated this blog for like quite a few days. Com has been down, trying to get it fixed as soon as possible. It has been a really bad few days. So bad it is so hard to explain all that has happened. So bad it makes one wonder how worse can life get.
Com crash, some discontentment with the service industry...these are things that come and go. That becomes forgiven once the fuse is off.
Been chatting with her quite abit lately, especially last night and juz now. Talking so much that the more we carry on, the more broken I've become. Feeling so numb and so not alright now. Don't even know what the heck am I trying to write here. Juz feel like breaking down and cry...and cry...and forget that these 2 days ever existed in my life...
She said she would disencourage me now, since it will not hurt as much in the long term. The truth does hurt. Guess right now, I know what I should do. What I have to do. Long ago have I realised that loving someone does not need you to be together with him/her. Now...I would have the chance to fulfill that statement...
This entry goes out to Chris too. How you feel, I guess there aren't many who understand as much as I do. Be strong k? We'll get through this. You know that when we do, at least we had no regrets. *sMiLeZ*

[[Walking Alone On This Endless Road]]*|11:56 am|

Saturday, October 09, 2004

[[]]

Finally the weekend has arrived~!! Seems like forever before Saturday decides to show up. It's been really a busy last few days, beginning with Wednesday. MIA presentation, Thursday was ICM submission, and today ICMT dry run of the press conference. Man...all these things are so draining on the mind and body...
At least Friday hasn't been that bad to me. It's been quite a slack day, though reached school pretty early. Wanted to discuss the press conference thingy with the group. In the end 2 didn't come, 1 came quite late, and well...everything was kinda distracted. Hopefully all of us will get sorted out before the real thing. Not a very good time to cock up, especially when the end is finally drawing near...
This weekend is gonna be burnt too. CIBM CA3. Haiz~...the thought of CIBM juz dampens me. Didn't do well at all for the project. Partly due to my fault too. Feel kinda having let down my group members, especially when everyone worked so hard for it. So I juz hope the rest of the projects wouldn't suffer the same fate.
Kinda in a mixed mood tonight. Feeling happy but feeling down at the same time too. Yeah, I know I am 1 very confused person. What do you expect a Gemini to be? Not that I ever wished for this to happen anywayz...
Maybe cos she didn't go to school today. This is bad. Because when ITP comes, it's going to be worse. Or rather, the coming semester break is going to be bad enough. Haiz~...am I stupid or what? Ok lah I juz miss her...
Damn this computer. Seem to be having some problems now. So desperate to get an anti-virus software now. Can't afford for the computer to crash. If not I'm really in for a scolding from my father.
Time to end off now. Wonder when I'll get to watch that new Jackie Chan movie...

*I DoN't kNoW iF I'll bE AbLe tO sWiM An oCeAn To rEaCh YoU. BuT iF I HaVe tO, I'd tRy.*

[[Walking Alone On This Endless Road]]*|12:33 am|

Tuesday, October 05, 2004

[[I Want a Love That Will Last]]

Renee Olstead - I Want a Love That Will Last

I want a little something more
Don't want the middle or the one before
I don't desire a complicated past
I want a love that will last

Say that you love me
Say I'm the one
Don't kiss and hug me and then try to run
I don't do drama
My tears don't fall fast
I want a love that will last

(Chorus)
I don't want just a memory
Give me forever
Don't even think about saying goodbye
Cos I want just one love to be enough
And remain in my heart till I die

So call me romantic
Oh I guess that must be so
There's something more that you oughta know
I'll never leave you
So don't even ask
I want a love that will last
Forever
I want a love that will last

(Chorus)

So there's just a little more that I need
I wanna share all the air you breathe
I'm not the kinda girl to complicate the past
I want a love that will last

Forever
I want a love the love that last
Always
I just want a love that will last
Want a love that will last

Heard this song for the first time on Love Songs at Class 95. Really a very nice song. Can't remember the last jazz song that I listened so attentively to. And Renee Olstead is like 15 or 16? Gosh...how young is that? Makes me wonder what the heck am I doing at 19...

[[Walking Alone On This Endless Road]]*|9:52 pm|

Monday, October 04, 2004

[[nOtHiNg]]

As the world constantly revolves,
Feelings of men constantly evolves.
Time does change everything,
One day fulfilled the next day nothing.

Who ever said life was a cup of tea?
Listen to the French who said cest la vie.
Learn to cherish all your dreams,
Never let your life be filled with grim.

What if tomorrow the world juz ends?
Would you be holding your loved ones' hands?
Tell that someone you love her so,
At least you'll never regret if she decides to go.

Juz like me who's holding it back,
Thinking I'm not the one that she lacks.
Perhaps that's true, perhaps it's not.
A life filled with regrets is all I've got.

Hmm don't mind me going off with another poem. Juz felt like writing 1. Nothing much to say for an entry, so juz wrote a poem. =)

[[Walking Alone On This Endless Road]]*|10:53 pm|

Friday, October 01, 2004

[[Everything Changes...Everything...]]

Friday's finally drawing to a close. So it's finally an end of a busy week, and the start of the next busy one. But everything seems to go on quite fine. At least there hasn't been anything major cocking up or whatever. Really thankful for that. Juz hope the same goes for next week too.
Had a chat with her juz now over SMS. She msg-ed to say that she was really infuriated by the Taiwanese burning our flag. Yeah...so juz chatted a little over that and some other school stuff. Was really glad she msg-ed. Even if it was juz a forwarded msg I wouldn't have minded too.
But well...it was the latter part which really breaks me. Asked her to go rest cos she was drowsy after taking some medicine for colds. She say ok, and might as well too since we seem to have nothing to talk about. Really don't know what to reply...
Perhaps what she told me before is right. Time changes everything. Feelings fade. And maybe...we were never meant to be...

[[Walking Alone On This Endless Road]]*|11:52 pm|

[[gOsH]]

Woah it's already 2am. My driving lessons are 7.5 hours away. Feeling damn sleepy now, but waiting for my group members to send me all the stuff so that I can compile my project. This is so last minute. Hmm getting abit of frustrated? I'll be lying through my teeth if I'm not. But it's ok. The weekend's drawing near. I can smell it~
Juz hope it won't be a long Friday. Can already picture what the whole day will be like. Driving until 11:30am, rush to school for ICMT, mark my attendance, continue to rush for the last part of the darn project, print the whole damn thing out, hand in, walk to the stupid T1 block, sit at that idiotic com lab for 2 hours to study for a totally lame CDA mcq test (think I'll be so dead that I'll sleep for that 2 hours), get home, become a dead pig and sleep all the way till Saturday. Now everyone please follow me. WOW~!!!
What a fulfilling life huh? All these school work is getting so shitty nowadays. Especially when you have people not contributing anything or enough for the projects. God be damned to those free riders. Watch out when you cross those roads man. Maybe you should look high up about whenever you walk in open spaces too. Some bird shit might juz fall right smack into your bloody face. Worse still...a piano...
That aside, I haven't got much to say. Like I've mentioned before, it's all been work, work, and much more work the last few days. So many things to do but so little time. Let's all juz bear with it. It'll be over soon. =)
Still haven't got to hear anything from her. Well, I did catch a glimspe of her in school when she was going for lecture. Guess she didn't notice me sitting at the steps. But well...better than nothing. A glimpse is always better than nothing at all.
So...good luck to everyone slogging it out. May you all be blessed with good health to last you through this final phase. Take care everyone. *sMiLeZ*

[[Walking Alone On This Endless Road]]*|2:00 am|